Finding That Missing Piece

Sometimes I feel frustrated, here in this place in my heart. There are few that I can talk to about what I have, what I feel and what is deep in my soul. Most just don’t understand and assign a number of unattractive words to it. Then there are those who do understand, but don’t want to hear it because it gives them pain, a pain caused by something they have not found.

So I am left to put my feelings on the pages of a journal and on the pages of the blog. I am left with my dreams and my time in the shadows with you. My happiness is something that fills me, but one that I can only share with words and dreams. Perhaps it is the way it should be.

Letting it go, as I have been advised to do before, is something that will never happen. How can I let something like this go, when I have been waiting my whole life to find it, to feel it. How could I ever be with another when you are with me in everything that I do. Better to feel this, than walk through this life empty searching for that missing piece. Better to be happy with less than discontent with what some would think as more.

For those who have found what I have found, they will understand what I say. For those who haven’t, I wish with all my heart that you will.

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Capturing the Essence of Love

There are those who can capture the very essence of love with words, so much more than I am able.

Love is the scent with the lotus born.
It is the silent choirs of petals
Singing the winter’s harmony of uniform beauty.
Love is the song of the soul, singing to God.
It is the balanced rhythmic dance of planets – sun and moon lit

Paramahansa Yoganada

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Calling Me

As the moon rises it opens a window to my soul
and I hear you whisper my name in the night,
Your whispers call me back to a place
where we were together once long ago
bound by a love that has found me again.
I go now to that place  to find you
traveling the path through the garden
The moon shines down lighting my way.
 as I am carried by the sounds of the summer night.
As I step from the path, I find you waiting, 
and taking my hand, we walk together into the night.

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Safe Places

Sometimes I am given bits of things, flashes of things that I see.  Those things are rare,  but they stay with me never fading. There is a place, dream or real, I have seen it so many times.  We have been together here.  There is a porch that looks out over a yard. In the yard there is a garden with tall plants and a path, small. that goes through this garden.  To the side there is a small building perhaps a shed of some kind. This is all I have seen but it is enough.  Perhaps one day I will find this place. For now it is my safe place, a place I go when I need you, one that wraps me in warmth and love.  

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Another Time

My soul is lost with you in another time, filled with a love that knows no boundaries. Your love has followed me to this life, and pulled me back to you, awakening me to all that we had and all that we were. You walk by my side in spirit as I journey through the days and nights of my life. Some days I wonder why this has happened, this awakening, and some days I wonder when I leave this life, if I will find you again. For now I will wander through this life, my soul walking in another, and perhaps, one day soon, you will come for me and we will travel together again.

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Last Night

Last night I lay awake, unable to sleep and thoughts of you kept me company.  I felt your closeness, the bond that is impossible to describe to others.   It was as if you were holding me, your warmth and tenderness so strong around me. Now I realize you have been with me from the beginning, waiting for me to hear you.  You may be far away, but you are still right by my side, my strength, my heart, that voice that moves me forward.  How can I ever describe what my heart feels at this moment.  There are not words that can capture such a feeling, but then we need no words.  This bond is ours,  no matter where life may lead us.

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Remembering

She lay in bed awake, the moon streaming through her window.  The gentle light caught her face, quiet, with just the trace of a tear.  She wondered now, had she been sleeping, was it a dream or had she moved into the shadows, some other reality. It was a road she traveled alone and would continue to travel alone. Though others would try to believe the things she had to say, she knew how it sounded and she had learned to keep it to herself.

 She lay in the quiet of the night, remembering the moment, his eyes so beautiful, his soul reflected in them. He had seemed to almost appear in front of her, as she walked the wooded path by her home. At first she was fearful, caught alone where no one could see her but something quieted those fears.  He smiled at her gently his eyes moving into her, and held out his hand.  She surprised herself as she took it, wondering why she would give herself over so easily.  He drew her in closely, and as he did, everything around her fell away.  She felt almost pulled from her body, moving with no weight, deeper into the trees.

 She could hear him whispering to her, a familiar voice but the words blurred. They stopped in a small clearing, surrounded by trees and the wildflowers of summer.  It was shadowy and green, and there was a peace in this place, tranquility like nothing she had ever known. In the center of the clearing stood a mirror, large and shimmering with light.    She walked to the mirror, her hand still in his and as she looked she saw a reflection, one she recognized, though it was not her own. She looked at the man standing behind her in that reflection and her heart moved with the pain and longing, of one who has been separated from a love. As she turned from the mirror, he pulled her to him again, down into the quiet of the clearing. She felt him moving over her and as she drifted into the moment his voice whispered to her again, and she remembered.

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Into the Mists

Come my love and cover me
in the sweet darkness of the night.
Hear my voice as I call your name.
I am weary from what the day brings
and I only wish to slip away.
So come to me now my love
and pull me into your embrace
where together we can drift
into the mists of time. 

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For You

May nighttime come and bring you rest,

and your mind be free from worry.

May your dreams carry you to beautiful places

where all that you wish will be waiting.

May the moon and stars watch over you

and keep you safe while you slumber,

and may my love find its way to you

wrapping you in its warm embrace.

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At the Gate

My love waits through a thousand lifetimes
waiting for you at the gates of time.
You have whispered my name
and awakened me,  to a life  forgotten
two souls bound by a thread of love
walking apart but always together.
But the gates of time are well guarded.
They open for no one until their time.
So I stand waiting here for you
through the days and nights of  life,
until that day when the  gate opens
and you stand before me once again.

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