Sometimes

Sometimes late at night, when the world is quiet and I am finally alone with my thoughts, I realize why it is I cannot find the words to write for others.  You are the one who makes the words happen for me, you always have been. Why that is I cannot say for sure, but you bring this part of me alive like no one else has ever done.  I have not written here as much of late but the thoughts are still there.  My longing to share them with the world is somewhat uncertain these days,  but the feeling behind them is not. Sometimes late at night I realize all I want is to share them with you, my thoughts, my heart, all the parts of me I cannot seem to put to the page.  It is night here, the moon and stars filling the sky, while you greet the light of day and all it will bring.  May it bring only good things to you and may you, for a moment, hear some of those words whispered into the night as I drift to sleep.

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You are everywhere  today

so strong, your face looking

back at me from the mirror

and through  snow covered windows.

There is much I want to say

only to you,  not the flowery

words of love,  for they come

easily enough and often

with careless regard.

My words come from a place

within me, beyond explanation

but so deeply understood

like the place you found in me,

a place remembered.

Perhaps  I will always hold

these words in my heart,

never spoken but for

the soft whispers of a dream,

but words such as these

are wasted if not spoken.

And  so I think the moon

may bring them one day soon

from my hand to yours

to do with as you will.

Until that day,

may the moon and stars

shine down upon you

and may love walk with you

always.

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If Only

If only you were here tonight, or I could hear your voice. The words would fall from me like the rain on a spring day and I could tell you what is in my heart and soul. There would be no poetic words, no romantic harmony, for you must know, if you read my heart, what you mean to me. Tonight I want to share with you my deepest thoughts, my dreams, my truths, my fears, all the things that are a part of me. If only you were here tonight, or I could hear your voice.

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Quiet Thoughts

It has been many nights since I have been alone in the blissful silence of the night, my thoughts my only companion.  I sit trying to write the words to you, words I hope will help you understand what is in my heart and words that will bring you the true meaning of what I feel.  Those words end up in another draft, a post left unpublished as I struggle to make them right.

 The journal sits waiting for the day when I will have time to start it once again and perhaps there, in the private pages written from me and only for you, I will be able to find the words that tangle up inside me tonight. 

Perhaps I’ll work on the poem that sits waiting, or perhaps I will just try to find a way to tell you how I miss you, and make sense of it.  Morning has come and your day awaits, while I am called to sleep, the days and hours of our lives passing quietly by each other. Perhaps today we will touch if only for a moment, our souls drifting together again in a place of quiet wonder and remembrance.

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This Faraway Thing

Tonight I sit surrounded by poetry, the beauty of it all bringing my emotions to the surface.  There is so much I wish to say to you and yet I think that chance will never come.  If I knew even for a moment that you were here, and you knew the words were for you, I think I could carry that through this life and it would be enough.

This love is great, this faraway thing I have, discovered not sought, found one day unexpected.  Love will not be less without you here, but it will long for the sound of your voice and ache for the things it cannot  share.  There will always be stars in the sky and the wind in the trees. When you look at those stars or feel the wind blow gently past you, it will be my love come calling, just to be near to you for a moment.  If only you knew.

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Sometimes Love Finds You

Sometimes love finds you

when you least expect it

when you stop looking

when you stop trying

and sometimes when you stop remembering

what you thought love should be.

It is then a window opens

and you are caught on the breeze

that rushes in, swirling around you

leaving you forever changed.

What you know from that day

is that everything else

was just pretend

and all the things you felt before

were nothing compared with this.

It is not perfect,

nor does it expect perfection.

It may not be

what others would have it be

but it will last

through time and distance

because of what it gives

and does not take.

When this love comes

it will slide into place

like two hands

that have always been together.

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Shadows and Dreams

It has been days since I have felt connected to you. I found myself wrestling with fears that the absence of all that was familiar would cause those things to vanish.  Of course it was only fatigue and a mind filled with the many details of a move. So often I closed my eyes, trying to journey to you, but I was unsuccessful.  I needed to feel your presence, though it comes only in shadows and dreams.  Last night you were there, and I could feel the words starting to form within and the gentle closeness I can never explain. 

Though the lyrical words still I wish for elude me, I can still speak from the heart. Our lives are separate, a time for each of us to walk through the years. Why I have been given a window to yours I may never know.  At times that window opens if for just a moment, allowing me to reach through and knowing there is something beautiful from before waiting for me again.  Of this I truly believe.  Perhaps in time this window will open more and what lies beyond the glass will be revealed to me. Until then it will be enough, as I would gladly have shadows and dreams with you, than a life with another.

One day perhaps I will find you waiting at my door as it was in my dream.  Once again I will rest in your arms, your heartbeat filling the quiet of the night. Then I will know that you have come to me as  you told me in the dream that you would and that I have slipped away to be with you at last.

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If Only

If only you were here tonight

I would not feel so all alone.

If I could hear your voice

or the beating of your heart,

my night would pass

in gentle sleep and dreams.

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Wear Something Blue

Some days I find myself frustrated, filled with words I want to say and yet as I write them, I choke on those very words. Perhaps they are not meant to be on the page as someone had once said. Perhaps they are meant to be said to you and you alone. I could fill the pages of an empty journal, journals that would sit covered in dust, their words hidden away from all eyes, including yours. They would wait to be shared one day, when time has passed us by. How sad that feels, something lost, love hidden in the pages of a book, words read by a stranger for whom they were not written.

In truth, there are journals I have written, filled with the first thoughts about a bond I have never been able to explain. I still keep them for the thoughts that I find impossible to put here. The last days have found me struggling to tell you more, to try and capture the words that can explain to you what it is I feel. This struggle has been reflected in my most recent posts.

The last few days have found me surrounded by the strength of that bond, and I wonder how it finds us. Do you feel it too,  or does it pass you by in a shadow, a soft whisper almost heard. As is the way of many things, I suppose I may never know. I will look for you in dreams and listen for the words I find there. As for the waking hours, I will listen there as well.  Wear something blue, and I will know that you are here listening for me as well.

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What It Is

Yesterday I was reading the post of a friend. She had been sent a message from a stranger, one that contained a declaration just short of mad love. She posted the message, and as I read it, it left me thinking for the rest of yesterday and today. I wondered as I read it, is this how I sound, like some fantasy filled woman filled with preconceived notions about another. Doubt swept over me. I was filled with the thought that all of this would have been best left on the private pages of a journal, never to be found. That is, of course, where it started. I have often wondered if you have been here, why I would think you would, I don’t know. Deep in my heart I hoped and yet worried that perhaps you would walk away, feeling the emotions I felt as I read the unsolicited note my friend received.

There is part of me that wants to explain all of this to you, from the beginning, so that you can understand what it is I feel and why. Then I think you would at least know it is not some silly flight of fancy, or some strange obsession. I want to you know that what I feel is for all the right reasons, not for the reasons some would assume.

As I write this, I am, of course, not finding the words I need to capture what I truly want to say. As I find them I will continue to put them here. Once again, there are no poetic lines, just things I need to say.

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